Hypermodern International Congress 2175

Remember, it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.


The Working Man's Thinking Men

The HNIC of heads-on-bodies strikes again!


May 3rd, 2006: THC Riots!

Riots break out everywhere after THC secures bid for new headquarters

"The corruption! Bloody hell, it was rigged!"

Overcome the fear of terror with the threat of eternal damnation

"Our youths only want one thing, to kill you so they can go to paradise." In 1996, Osama Bin Laden declared war (Jihad) on the United States of America and 'the West'. His radical and violent sect of Islam has quite intentionally brought about the deaths of thousands of innocent American citizens as well the deaths of thousands of other innocents around the world. His promise to suicide bombers; paradise. The Susblood threat to the same suicide bombers; eternal damnation.

When you buy and use an Infidel's Revenge products you will be putting fear, uncertainty and doubt into the mind of would-be-suicide bombers. Fanatical "Muslim's of the Jihad" are motivated to commit their suicide bombings with the promise of immediate paradise and 72 virgin companions for eternity. However, their strict ancient doctrine also teaches that their souls are damned should their flesh come in contact with pig’s blood at the time of their death.

In the extreme heat of a terrorist explosion the unique components in the pens' chambers combine, and vaporize. The result is a fine atomized mist of fully active, reconstituted porcine plasma (pig's blood) permeating the entire scene; defiling the flesh and soul of the suicide bomber.

The Infidel's Revenge! is a powerful psychological deterrent to terror. When you carry and use your Infidel's Revenge Ball Point Pen, you are joining an elite group of citizens committed to ending global terror. Imagine the impact on the worldwide "terror movement" knowing that the possibility of eternal damnation is resident in every drawer, every purse, every pocket everywhere. This simple solution holds the promise of dramatically reducing, and even ending, suicide bombings.

Anatomy of a terror prevention pen. Our patent pending terror prevention pen cartridge is encased in a double layered, plastic cylinder filled with a mixture of glycerin, water and alcohol. Atop the liquid cylinder is another sealed cylinder containing patent-pending powdered pig's blood and other ingredients that will stop would-be-terrorists in their tracks.

Israeli police are considering using bags of pig lard in buses and other places to deter Muslim suicide bombers, Maariv reported today. The proposal received the Jerusalem rabbinate's approval.

The police's suggestion is based on the fact that strict Muslim tradition holds that any Muslim who comes in contact with a pig before dying will be denied access to heaven.

An Infidel's Revenge© makes the perfect gift.


The End of Net Neutrality?

Maybe I’m being naively optimistic, but I think that the Great Internet could offer an alternative to the hegemonic, profit-driven, government pandering corporations that dominates every form of mass media in America today. The utter domination of giant media conglomerates (a mere 10 now control a vast majority of tv, book, radio, and film production and distribution) has left little to no room for the successful dissemination of independent, critical “journalism” that is not generally a parroting of government or corporate press materials. (Thank you, Tony Snow, for illustrating how complacent America is about this melding of government propaganda and “free press” by moving from one realm to the other with little public outcry).
Enter the bright beacon of the Net, a virtually economically blind publication medium. This may sound like a gross exaggeration, but it’s certainly vastly more democratic than other mass media. Thought its critics (like Ted Koppel) would say “you can’t believe what you read on the internet. There’s still a place for the old-fashioned journalist,” what could be a healthier and more reliable approach to any news-relaying medium than critical thinking and skepticism?
Alas, the Media Behemoths seek to eradicate this level playing field and commodify internet space by creating a tiered system, wherein Verizon or Comcast or AT&T can offer more efficient and reliable premium web service to companies who pay for it. So CNN will load faster Salon, Amazon will run more smoothly than Bas Bleu, Anderson Cooper’s blog will have more bells and whistles than this one. You can see where this is going. It’s a big deal. And it’s in Congress now. I say give some more power to the FCC and regulate the shit out of it (at least, in an anti-trust sort of way)—libertarians be damned!


Great Moments in History Ft. Alec Baldwin Vol 1: The Children's Crusade

It's time for Great Moments in History, Ft. Alec Baldwin!!!!!!!!11oneone111

With your host Alec Baldwin!
H1, i'm your host: A c0mput3r simulation of Alec Baldwin. Thanks for coming out tonight f0lks!! We're gonna have a great show!!!!1oneone11!!

In 1213, an unknown medieval author penned the
Chronica Regiae Coloniensis...

But forget about all of that.

Look people, I should be up front with ya. I'm just gonna cut and paste
a few articles from the Internet... because I'm Alec Baldwin and I only received an 8th grade education (Wikipedia it). So enjoy. And remember to watch my stellar performance in Untitled Tina Fey Project featuring TV's Tina Fey coming in 2006.

From Chronica Regiae Coloniensis:
In this year occurred an outstanding thing and one much to be marveled at, for it is unheard of throughout the ages. About the time of Easter and Pentecost,4 without anyone having preached or called for it and prompted by I know not what spirit, many thousands of boys, ranging in age from six years to full maturity, left the plows or carts which they were driving, the flocks which they were pasturing, and anything else which they were doing. This they did despite the wishes of their parents, relatives, and friends who sought to make them draw back. Suddenly one ran after another to take the cross. Thus, by groups of twenty, or fifty, or a hundred, they put up banners and began to journey to Jerusalem. They were asked by many people on whose advice or at whose urging they had set out upon this path. They were asked especially since only a few years ago many kings, a great many dukes, and innumerable people in powerful companies had gone there and had returned with the business unfinished. The present groups, morever, were stfll of tender years and were neither strong enough nor powerful enough to do anything. Everyone, therefore, accounted them foolish and imprudent for trying to do this. They briefly replied that they were equal to the Divine will in this matter and that, whatever God might wish to do with them, they would accept it willingly and with humble spirit. They thus made some little progress on their journey. Some were turned back at Metz, others at Piacenza, and others even at Rome. Still others got to Marseilles, but whether they crossed to the Holy Land or what their end was is uncertain. One thing is sure: that of the many thousands who rose up, only very few returned.
Well, one thing is for certain... n
o one got to the Holy Land. In fact, no one actually returned. Many of the children made it to Marseilles, boarding a series of ships after they realized that the Mediterranean wasn't going to part for them. But almost all either died in shipwrecks or were sold into slavery in North Africa. It seems that a white child was worth a pretty penny at the North African slave sales. Kinda like Natalie Holloway, but without Crown Prince Abdullah.

From Steven Runciman's A History of the Crusades (Cambridge, 1951), Volume III: The Kingdom of Acre and the Later Crusades:
In the year 1230 a priest arrived in France from the East with a curious tale to tell. He had been, he said, one of the young priests who had accompanied Stephen to Marseilles and had embarked with them on the ships provided by the merchants. A few days out they had run into bad weather, and two of the ships were wrecked on the island of San Pietro, off the south-west corner of Sardinia, and all the passengers were drowned. The five ships that survived the storm found themselves soon afterwards surrounded by a Saracen squadron from Africa; and the passengers learned that they had been brought there by arrangement, to be sold into captivity. They were all taken to Bougie, on the Algerian coast. many of them were bought on their arrival and spent the rest of their lives in captivity there. Others, the young priest among them, were shipped on to Egypt, where Frankish slaves fetched a better price. When they arrived at Alexandria the greater part of the consignment was bought by the governor, to work on his estates. According to the priest there were still about seven hundred of them living. A small company was taken to the slave-markets of Baghdad; and there eighteen of them were martyred for refusing to accept Islam. More fortunate were the young priests and the few others that were literate. The governor of Egypt, al-Adil's son al-Kamil, was interested in Western languages and letters. He bought them and kept them with him as interpreters, teachers and secretaries, and made no attempt to convert them to his faith. They stayed on in Cairo in a comfortable captivity; and eventually this one priest was released and allowed to return to France. He told the questioning parents of his comrades all that he knew, then disappeared into obscurity. A later story identified the two wicked merchants of Marseilles with two merchants who were hanged a few years afterwards for attempting to kidnap the Emperor Frederick on behalf of the Saracens, thus making them in the end pay the penalty for their crimes.

Just had to throw this one in.


Because No One Should Have to Work...

"And our sinewy arm will be lifted on high and the infamous chains of bondage will fall asunder. The workers of Russia will arise, and the capitalists and the Government, which always zealously serves and aids the capitalists, will be stricken with terror!"
- VI Lenin, April 19, 1896


Summer Movie Mind Control Superfad Preview GO!!: Child Sex Slave Edition

Tagline: It's Time To Stand Up For the Little Guys

In this case the little guy is an OWL. And standing up involves children and greedy land developers and corrupt politicians (doing something, it's not clear from the previews). I'll say nothing of the movie's association with notorious schills, Luke Wilson and Jimmy Buffet. Well known scribler Carl Hiassen wrote the novel. But the screenplay was drafted by one Wil Shriner (ahem). Aside from the amazing poster design (Fibbronacci's constant??? Or golden triangle? Or both?) I have very little to say about this transparent pro Bohemian Grove agenda dressing in a sickeningly sacharine candy shell. Honestly, I don't really give much of a fuck whether little kids get mindfucked by this thing or not. But let's get one thing straight, owls are predatory killers that can rotate their heads almost 360 degrees. They have been the symbol of (occult) wisdom for over 4,000 years. They are occuring with increasing frequency in popular media. Well, I for one say, "Not within this happy grove!" Owls are freakish. They spread the plague. And warlocks use them as familiars to cast black magic spells on innocent peasants. No more owls, period. End of story. Who's with me?

Is it just me or do you read this "Bush's Burning TIME: Who Gives a Hoot?"

Aussie Chanisaw Croc Runs Amok - Fosters Ad Execs Scramble to Beat Outback to the Punch

Aussie chainsaw croc runs amok
Saltwater crocodile
Saltwater crocs are known to attack boats with outboard motors
A crocodile in northern Australia has chased a storm-clearance worker up a tree and made off with his chainsaw.

The 4.4m (14.5ft) saltwater crocodile called Brutus apparently took exception to the noise of the saw.

The worker was clearing a tree that fell on the crocodile enclosure at the Corroboree Park Tavern, 80km (50 miles) east of the northern city of Darwin.

Brutus chewed on the chainsaw for 90 minutes, reducing it to pieces. Neither man nor beast was injured.

Northern Australia has an estimated 100,000 saltwater crocodiles.

Et chew Brutus

Worker Freddy Buckland was cutting a tree that had fallen as a result of a recent tropical cyclone.

Peter Shappert, the tavern's owner, said the crocodile jumped from the water and sped 20ft to the tree.

"It must have been the noise... I don't think he was actually trying to grab Freddy, but I'm not sure. He had a fair go at him... I think he just grabbed the first thing he could and it happened to be the chainsaw," he told the Associated Press news agency.

Tavern co-owner Linda Francis said: "Fred virtually gave him the chainsaw, shoved it at him.

"It was still going and he took the chainsaw onto the ground and proceeded to smash it and it stalled. The crocodile didn't cut himself, just broke a few teeth."

Mr Shappert said the saw was destroyed.

"He chewed on the chainsaw for about an hour-and-a-half, then we finally got it out."

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